A Miserable Demo

by Miserable Crush

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03:28
2.
04:13
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04:12
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04:00
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05:10
7.
03:29

about

This demo was recorded over a period of roughly four months - always working around the never-ending rotation of college classes. Some songs are rather spartan, like Broken with the bare vocals and the subdued piano. Others are far more elaborate, like Jade with the intricate string arrangements that rise at the end. The style of recording varied quite a bit as well, ranging from songs done in virtually one take (Sick Embrace) to songs that took months to finally complete.

The songs were all written at different points over the course of five years, but there is one common thread that connects them all: frustration. This demo is for sleepless nights and lifeless days, for bitter words and broken ideals. It's for the knot in your chest that never seems to come untied. But when you strip all that away, this demo is for you. Just you.

credits

released 06 April 2013

Written and Produced by Matthew White

Lead Vocals, Guitar, Cello, Bass, Piano, Banjo, and Ukulele by Matthew White

Drums and Percussion by Mitchell White

Backup Vocals on “Miserable”, “The Lamest Superhero”, “Jade” and “Always” by Marrianne White

Backup Vocals on “Thorns” by Mitchell White

Backup Vocals on “Jade” by Haley Martinez

Group Vocals on “The Lamest Superhero” by Matthew White, Mitchell White, Marrianne White, Haley Martinez, and Kevin Henry

Album Art by Jon Neimeister

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Track Name: Miserable
I have always been a boring guy. My jokes are dry and overdone.
It's been awhile since I've been so wide-eyed. I know I'm not the only one.
I'm disillusioned just like all of you, but don't you worry. I won't lie.
My words aren't pretty, but you know they're true. Which you can't say for any other guy.

I want to be miserable with you. Want to see you cross your fingers when you say “I love you too”.
I want to be miserable with you. Want to roll my eyes and pull my hair with everything you do.

I cannot say I'm very stable. I like the summertime the best.
Any other time of year and I get cripplingly depressed.
If my resentment were a mountain, you'd have to scale Olympus Mons.
So it's good that you won't know it's there till we've split up and you're long gone.

I want to be miserable with you. Want to see you cross your fingers when you say “I love you too”.
I want to be miserable with you. Want to roll my eyes and pull my hair with everything you do.

Love has never been enough. Love has never been enough.
Love has never been enough. Love has never been enough.

I want to be miserable with you. Want to see you cross your fingers when you say “I love you too”.
I want to be miserable with you. Want to roll my eyes and pull my hair with everything you do.

I want to be miserable with you. Want to see you cross your fingers when you say “I love you too”.
I want to be miserable with you. Want to roll my eyes and pull my hair with everything you do.

I want to be miserable with you. Want to see you cross your fingers when you say “I love you too”.
I want to be miserable with you. Want to roll my eyes and pull my hair with everything you do.

I have always been a boring guy. At least, that's what my exes say.
Track Name: Broken
It seems to me every moment in my life was driving me on towards this.
Reality isn't something I do well and yet through it all life persists.
I've heard the words before, but never knew what they meant.
Now it's so clear to me, the feeling will never relent.

Nothing speaks louder than this. Now I know why I exist.
I'm finally home. I'm finally home tonight.

Over the years we've learned to always play for the win.
Never helped. We all get burned again and again and again.
She's so afraid of life, she'd rather not live at all.
Won't take a flying leap, she's simply unwilling to fall.

Endlessly drifting away. Will she be distant today?
Life is just fine. Life is just fine. You'll see.

Has life ever seemed to you to be on an infinite loop?
The troubles go by so fast, but always come back just as soon.
She'll never stop searching for a life that will never exist.
There's always this look in her eyes that's asking what she could've missed.

Sometimes the broken can't be healed. Sometimes the pain can't be concealed.
Is this goodbye? This is goodbye. I guess.
Track Name: The Lamest Superhero
Is it a bird, is it a plane,
no it's superman to save the day again
In brightest day in blackest night,
There's no evil left in this whole town to fight

I know it seems so selfish, whining how there's never crime for me
So many super heroes. Never enough evil in this city

So here I sit. The lamest of the superheros.
Saving kittens. Climbing trees.
I can't help think – was this the life I wanted
When I joined the justice league

Is that Batman up ahead of me?
He's beat me to the punch at least three time this week
Oh my god - Professor X and his whole school is saving kittens
Well there goes the only work I had

I know I should be happy, knowing that the city's safe from harm
But what's the point of living when you never have to be alarmed
I keep having thoughts of being what this city truly needs
I should cause some havoc, shake them up by doing evil deeds

So here I sit. The lamest of the superheros.
Is protection really best?
I can't help think – was this the life they wanted
Maybe people need unrest

I hacked all of Batman's bank accounts
and put some kryptonite under superman's pillow
And as for hulk, well let's just say he won't find any purple trousers,
I bought up every pair they had.

I know it seems so very wrong to hurt those who were close to me
All I can say in my defense: it's for the good of this fair city

So here I sit. The lamest of the superheros.
In my fortress underground.
I'm building weapon stores and - my minions bring me lots of kittens
There's a new bad guy in town.

So here I sit. The lamest of the superheros.
Screw the kittens. Burn the trees.
I can't help think – was this the life I wanted
When I joined the justice league

So here I sit. The lamest of the superheros.
Saving kittens. Climbing trees.
I can't help think – was this the life I wanted
When I joined the justice league
Track Name: Jade
Jade is on her way. In her pure white dress she looks lovely today.
Jade is chasing love as she holds the hands of the ones disposed of.
Jade, she yearns to play, but her pale white skin keeps her inside all day.
Jade, she fills a hole, but she can't replace the part they stole.

And she asks why. Why is it so tough? Learning to be loved? Learning to be loved?

Jade, I'm so sorry babe, but we can't play this game today.
So it goes, we took things slow, but we both know we're not ok.

Jade, she steals my heart every time I find it ripped apart.
Jade infects the soul and in time she'll have complete control.

I awake with a knot in my chest, feeling clammy sweat on my burning head.
Draw the shades and reveal the world outside. It disappoints again.
And although the sheets beside me seem so empty in the dark,
I feel Jade wrap her arms around me, bringing strength into my heart - into my heart. Into my heart.

Jade, I'm so sorry babe, but we can't play this game today.
So it goes, we took things slow, but we both know we're not ok.

Jade, so filled with fear. She learned to hide by her first year.
Jade, so insincere. How the lies define her hard veneer.

And she asks why. Why is it so tough? Learning to be loved? Learning to be loved?

Jade, I'm so sorry babe, but we can't play this game today.
So it goes, we took things slow, but we both know we're not ok.

Jade, I'm so sorry babe, but we can't play this game today.
So it goes, we took things slow, but we both know we're not ok. Jade, I'm so sorry.
Track Name: Thorns
She's the perfect girl, the perfect face, the perfect distance. She's the one I'll never meet.
We have history in the same way that psychopaths have friends. We met from a thousand feet.

She acts so kind inside my mind, inside my mind. Don't want to find it's all a lie.
She looks so nice from miles away, from miles away. Don't let this feeling fade away.

Please don't ruin this for me. Please don't ruin this for me. It's too easy for you.

It's her perfect laugh, her perfect smile, those perfect crooked teeth. Always barely out of reach.
It's the kind of feeling you can only get when unfulfilled - only from a thousand feet.

So I'll hold back awhile and wait just a little longer. Bide my time until the seconds escape.
So I'll hold back awhile and wait just a little longer. Don't take the thought that I love away.

Please don't ruin this for me. Please don't ruin this for me. It's too late.

If ever we could meet, ruin all my fantasies.
Why search through thorns when there may never be a rose?
It tears my skin every time I try again.
Why search through thorns when there may never be a rose?

If we could meet, shatter all my fantasies.
Why search through thorns when there may never be a rose?
You pierce my skin every time I try again.
Why search through thorns when there may never be a rose?

There may never be a rose.

Please don't ruin this for me. There may never be a rose.
Please don't ruin this for me. There may never be a rose.
Please don't ruin this for me. There may never be a rose.
Please don't ruin this.
Track Name: Sick Embrace
Wednesday night
You rekindle things again
eternal limbo
so this never really ends

It starts again
what must be an endless set
of angry words
and the longing to forget

Thursday night
and I'm staring at my phone
can't shake the feeling
that I'm totally alone

It's just one hit
Next time I'll show restraint
It's just one girl
Who I love and I resent

I don't know who I am when I'm alone
We built our world together
but it's a sick and twisted place

If I had known what was coming down the road
I might've thought it's better
to be empty than embraced
your sick embrace

Friday night
See my shadow on the wall
Before we met,
It never stood this tall

All that's good in you
and all that's good in me
a disappearing act
for everyone to see

I don't know who I am when I'm alone
We built our world together
but it's a sick and twisted place

If I had known what was coming down the road
I might've thought it's better
to be empty than embraced
your sick embrace

Saturday
I can think of nothing else
a twisted hunger
I hid deep inside myself

please doctor help me out
and cut these thoughts away
you get your scalpel now
I'll suffer through the pain

I don't know who I am when I'm alone
We built our world together
but it's a sick and twisted place

If I had known what was coming down the road
I might've thought it's better
to be empty than embraced

I don't know who I am when I'm alone
But I know I'm not myself
when we're both in the same room

Now I know what I should've years ago
long before we got together
long before I even met you

I can't pull away from you
Won't you let me out alive
I can't pull away from you
help me out this one last time

I don't know who I am when I'm alone
We built our world together
but it's a sick and twisted place

If I had known what was coming down the road
I might've thought it's better
to be empty than embraced

your sick embrace...
Track Name: Always
Hey there,
it's been awhile,
how long has it been since
you've stood on this street

So many years
since you went away
you know they're all gone
no one's left except me


You were always,
the one I was waiting for,
Always,
the one that I need
Always,
looking for something more,
But I always knew you weren't looking for me


I lost my reason,
everyone needs a why,
Mine shouldn't have
been so external to me

The memory's fading,
the old times have passed,
It no longer matters
if you choose to leave


You were always,
the one I was waiting for,
Always,
the one in my dreams
Always,
looking for something more,
But I always knew you weren't looking for me


Please stop
I can't bear to feel this way
I don't have the strength
to resist you tonight

Life goes on,
forward in every way
I know on our own
that we'll both be just fine


You were always,
the one I was waiting for,
Always,
the one that I need,
Always,
the one I was praying for,
But I always knew you weren't praying for me,

You were always,
the one I was waiting for,
Always,
the one in my dreams,
Always,
looking for something more,
Hope that you found it cause you can't have me.